


polaroids

by renminator



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 1980s, 80's theme, Arcade, Bullying :(, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Love, a nice jock though, highschool, jaemin is in denial, jaemin's a jock lol, kinda cliche, mention of soulmates, nvm very cliche, renjun is precious, renmin, soft, too much fashion, weird 80's slang
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renminator/pseuds/renminator
Summary: au where renjun and jaemin are two closeted boys in the 1980's.lowercase intended





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> first chapter is some background info! NOT a soulmate au :(
> 
> this fic was written by 3 ppl and we have different writing styles lol sorry

renjun sat on a checkered table in the diner, watching the crystallised disco ball flash red, pink and white. michael jackson's new hit song played softly on the jukebox in the corner of the diner. renjun's mother moved her body to the smooth beat, roller-skates surfing against the wet floor as she swept it with a mop. she was working overtime, again, to pay for her son renjun's preschool tuition.

the boy was told by his mother to have patience and that her shift was almost over. but the poor boy was so exhausted; he just wanted to sleep in his new tom and jerry bed sheets. he then snapped at his mother to get him his orange flavoured caparison juice box and mini raisin packet. 

stressed as most mothers seem to be, she tucked a silken stand of dark hair behind her left ear and opened her mouth in preparation of yet another sweet, maternal scolding. but before the words could leave her chapped lips, her left roller blade rolls into a puddle of water and the slippery solution overwhelmed the wheel, pulling her slender frame to the floor with a harsh smack. renjun's jaw dropped, tiny hands supporting him as he dropped his mcdonald's toy to the floor and jumped off of the table, rushing to his mother's side. 

"mama! are you ok?!" his tiny hands reach out to hold his mother's bigger hand and his eyes are filled with worry and despair until he hears a faint laugh and the weight on his heart is lifted. 

"mama?" she laughs again, this time sitting up and turning to face her boy. 

"yes sweetheart?" 

"mama, you're ok!" 

yes junnie" she laughs softly. "i'm fine . just try to be patient when mama is working." renjun pouts guiltily, nodding his head in shame and regret. 

"okay mama, i promise i will never be impatient again." a few minutes passed, renjun sniffling softly as he watches his mother clean herself from the floor. after a while, he decides to sit down beside his mother, shifting into one of her warm hugs. 

"renjun! you're gonna get your gucci wet!" 

"but mama, it's fake gucci remember." he giggles while looking down at his baby blue dungaree with the now peeling fake gucci logo. she pretends to be mad over his comment, but then giggles with him. 

"..mama?" 

"yes?" 

"..what's a soulmate?" 

"renjun, why're you asking out of nowhere?" 

"hm, today we read a book about it in class!" he beams, remembering how much he enjoyed the story. 

"well, a soulmate is like.. a friend for life." 

"do you think i have a soulmate?" the young woman with delicate features laughed, bringing renjun closer. 

"i'm certain you do. everyone has one. one day you will find love and they will be your soulmate." 

"there's a very cute boy in class called jaemin who always holds my hand! is he my soulmate?" this warm's his mother's heart, and she smiles and cups the boys soft, rosy cheeks. 

"maybe renjun, maybe he is!" 

\----------- 

playing with the black suspenders that were attached to his red pants, the soft boy asked his mother a question "what's a soulmate?" 

"oh jaemin," she smiled, "it's nothing you need to worry about." 

"but mama! pleaassseee." he gets up from the floor and lightly grabs at his mother's skirt to get her attention. 

"hush jaemin. i'm working" she says, removing his little fingers from her clothing and returns to her pen and paper on the desk. 

"pleeaaaassseee. pretty please." after getting ignored again, he announces that he heard the word in a storybook at school. 

"ok." the busy lady sighs and picks him up, moving to a calmer spot in the house. "a soulmate is like a friend, but more. they understand you better than anyone else...they make you a better person, they inspire you. they accept you and believe in you before anyone else does or when no one else will. you'll always love them, no matter what happens" 

"oh! do i have a soulmate mama? i would love one!" the stern woman, with gentle eyes chuckled, ruffling her child's hair and pulled her camera out from her valentino white bag. she wanted to distract jaemin while she was working. after he made grabby hands, she handed it to him. "yes minnie. someday, you'll meet a nice girl, and you'll fall in love." 

"a girl?" he looked up. 

"yes jaemin, a girl. you'll love her and you'll marry her, and you'll be happy together." 

"why mama?" 

"why what, son?" 

"why a girl?" his mother frowned. jaemin looked in her eyes but they weren't gentle any longer, they were cold. 

"mama?" 

"why wouldn't it be it a girl?." she said in barely a whisper. jaemin thought nothing of it. but his mother never stopped hoping. never stopped hoping that her son would never be scolded by the burn of abnormality. that he would never integrate with the queers or the quirky. that he would lead a peaceful life, meet a nice girl, and be happy with her.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to give kudos and comment!! :D


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> renjun couldn't believe he was whipped for a 'straight' boy,,

renjun and donghyuck stood in front of na jaemin's intimidating mansion. despite renjun’s secret crush on jaemin, he really did not want to be here. he glanced at hyuck’s red and orange striped t shirt, with denim high waisted shorts that went down to his knees, and his white converse. renjun had the same outfit on, except his shirt was two shades of blue, and he didn’t have the denim jacket. ah denim on denim was the popular trend lately. too bad renjun didn’t really give a shit.

the typical movie things were taking place; the couples making out, the red cups on the grass with the deadly alcohol spilling out and the ac/dc playlist blasting violently on the speakers. he could already feel himself getting a migraine. 

"holy shit, this is tubular!" hyuck said with excitement. 

"no.. this totally gives me the hunches." 

".. what the fuck are hunches?" 

"a word that i just made up, duh" he grins. "wait hyuck, what song is this?" 

".. it's ac/dc? you have a shirt saying ac/dc.. you told me you liked them?" 

renjun widens his eyes and coughs a little. "haha, i do totally like them" hyuck squints his eyes in suspicion and renjun picks up on it, blushing, much to his annoyance. 

"fine i don't know their music or shit about them, you happy?" hyuck rolls his eyes at renjun's soft blush, a reaction to him being exposed. he stares at his shorter friend for a moment and hears renjun mutter “gotta motor” 

"you're such a poser, renny." hyuck grins and renjun's blush fades as they reach the extravagant front door, hyuck swinging an arm across renjun's shoulder. 

“wait! let me take a polaroid of you, but bag your face first.” hyuck says as renjun stands in front, eyes rolled back and posture lazy. hyuck brang out out the instant camera and snapped his best friend, whose face was anything but happy. 

\---------------- 

renjun stared at his pale legs in the reflecting pool, that rippled with chlorine and sweaty bodies. cliche as hell, but his only present friend was long gone, previously stating that he wanted to be a 'party animal'. the marginalisation was too much at this point, but he was completely expecting this. he gulps, looks around and debates whether he should leave this scarring, traumatising party. 

the lonely boy noticed that people were bringing out their cameras. renjun really wished he could have one. even though the quality was terrible and grainy and the dates plastered on the bottom right of the screen was too big and covered most of the footage. he knows all this from donghyuck. 

meanwhile, the popular boy jaemin was flirting up a bunch of pretty girls. from the corner of his eye, he saw his best friend jeno being chased by mark. he chuckled, not wanting to complain about this free entertainment. and then, mark brings out the multi-coloured inflatable ball. jeno is scared for his life as he stands at the edge of the pool, next to a fully clothed boy who stood up at the wrong time. mark threw it in jeno's direction but he managed to move out of the way in time. instead, it hit the tiny boy, who then belly flopped into the pool. 

the two chaotic boys then ran away laughing. jaemin smiled but thought nothing of it. until he saw people gradually gather around the spot where the boy was swinging his limbs around. "oh shit" jaemin whispered, realising that the boy couldn't swim and was possibly drowning. he ran there and pushed everyone out of the way. 

renjun could feel the chemicals everywhere in his body, all 5 senses were hardly functioning. he wouldn't stop trying to pull himself up, but nothing was working. his eyes were stinging from the toxics but forced himself to stare at the bright lights and blurry faces. and then he felt a mass of brown locks poke his eyes, which hurt more than the chlorine, and a strong pair of arms wrapped around his small torso. 

then he felt the cold tiles that laid out the pool. he recalls it having a pretty pattern. jaemin didn't know what to do, now that he pulled the boy out from his worst nightmare. _do i do cpr? like mouth to mouth, kiss him? but isn't that gay?_

__a couple of loud "SAVE HIM!"'s interrupted his thoughts as he hesitated but leaned down. he attached his lips to the boy's wet ones, while holding his cheeks. before jaemin could start the oxygen exchange, hyuck pushed him off and did it instead. jaemin assumed they were friends, and backed away even more._ _

__the boy on the floor was up, and confused on what was going on. he spluttered water, and began shivering from the cold and intense atmosphere. jaemin frowned and shrugged his soft red and blue bomber jacket from his body, draping it over renjun's shivering shoulders, sitting him up. renjun gazed up at at jaemin, doe eyes wide and full heart racing. the thought of na jaemin doing cpr on him made him so flustered.__

 _ _and then, the flashbacks in renjun’s head of jaemin’s accidental bumps into the hallways and the apologies with his iconic soft smile, that left renjun smiling for the entire day and inspired the small doodles of jaemin in his psychology textbook._ _

__"you saved me? t-thank you." renjun blushed, clutching onto the jacket. he was embarrassed from the attention from strangers, but mostly from the attention of the boy who he was in love with._ _

__"HEY BUTTHEAD! i was the one who saved you!" hyuck pushed jaemin out of the way, once again._ _

__\----------------_ _

__renjun entered his own room, cursing in pain when he stubbed his toe on the wooden door. he realised the white paint on door had new scratches. he stared at it for a few seconds, but then sighed and decided that he had bigger problems than the aesthetics of his room. he then sat right in the middle of his bed, wetting his tom and jerry sheets with sweaty, smelly, striped socks on and wet hair dripping everywhere. again, the least of his problems. the embarrassment from the event was haunting him, he couldn’t believe everyone witnessed it._ _

__the poor boy lacked interactions with his crush, which was why he went to the party in the first place. and now, he’s sitting with jaemin’s favourite jacket beside him. jaemin was nice. really nice. he would never hurt anyone on purpose, unlike his friends. the way he smiles and the warmth of his larger hands made renjun’s heart race again and he smiled to the standing mirror, right next to his bright fairy lights and shelf with study books.__

 _ _renjun laughed. he laughed so hard at himself for being whipped for a straight boy._ _

__renjun let out an anxious sigh and moved his position to lay his head on the fluffy pillows. he looked across. the thousands of polaroids stuck on his wall were glowing in the dark, with support from only the multi coloured fairy lights. he took his gold, circle-lensed glasses off and placed them beside him; hoping to not be able to see the pictures that each told a story. it didn’t work. but before he could stand up and change for bed, he heard statics coming from the black walkie talkie on his nightstand that he bought with donghyuck. he rolls his eyes, not in the mood to talk to him._ _

__“renny? renny are you there?” renjun decided to not reply, hoping he would go away “renny? i know you’re there bro. BRO. _answer me. _.”___ _

___renjun huffs and speed walks to the gadget, aggressively pressing the ‘speak’ button. “LEAVE ME ALONE. I’M NOT HERE.” renjun takes a pause before saying “AND STOP CALLING ME RENNY.”_ _ _

___“sorry renny. anyway, me chenle and jisung are coming over, order the pizza.” before he could protest with that, the statics were back. renjun let out a fustrated sigh and throws his blue pyjamas to the floor._ _ _

___\------------_ _ _

___“never have i ever.. puked in front of the whole class.” donghyuck screeches. jisung widens his eyes and slowly puts down his last remaining finger. jisung was out of the game._ _ _

___“god damn it hyuck man. did u have to s-“ jisung whines, embarrassed as he eats his pizza slice._ _ _

___“gag me in the mouth, that was so darn gross. okay.. never have i ever..” hyuck drags the r, thinking of something to say. he looks at renjun for a few seconds, before smirking and renjun could see an imaginary light bulb above his friend’s head._ _ _

___oh no. he’s gonna say it. please don’t._ _ _

___“never have i ever drowned in na jaemin’s pool and then get kissed by hi-“_ _ _

___“HYUCK!” renjun yells, with the biggest frown on his face._ _ _

___at that moment, renjun’s mother opens the door of the basement. she was wearing her neon yoga one piece, with her green and pink bracelets and her huge hoop earrings dangling. they complimented her hot pink leg warmers and gloves that had the finger tips cut off. her curly hair, that was dyed blonde, had high volume and her bangs were thick and curled and seemed to defy gravity. guess they interrupted her late night yoga session._ _ _

___she asks what was with all the noise, complains about it being a school night and asks for the kids to go home in 20 minutes._ _ _

___“sorry mom, love you” renjun mumbles, upset. he really wished his best friend didn’t say anything. she smiles and leaves._ _ _

___“your mom is so hot.” jisung’s smile turns upside down when renjun slaps the back of his head._ _ _

___“why would you go into the pool if you know you can’t swim?” chenle asks, concerned and takes jisung’s pizza slice. renjun stared at his small and sweaty fingers on his laps, not wanting to say anything._ _ _

___“dumbass #1 lee jeno threw a ball at renjun, then his lil body fell in” hyuck speaks up._ _ _

___“by kiss you mean doing mouth to mouth right? now can we stop this boring thing and play a board game?” jisung sighs._ _ _

___ignoring jisung, hyuck continued talking to chenle. "then dumbass #2 na jaemin saved renjun. well so did i but-“_ _ _

___“hey.. jaemin’s not a dumbass” renjun whispers and finally looks up, face red and eyes sad. he was actually hurt, why would donghyuck say that?_ _ _

___hyuck raises an eyebrow and says “uh yes he is. him, mark and jeno are like dumb, dumber and dumbest.”_ _ _

___“i’m gonna get snakes and ladders, cmon jisung.” chenle says, wanting an excuse to leave the perilous tension._ _ _

___“hey buddy, you ok? why are you so butthurt, do you have a crush on jaemin?” hyuck teases, poking renjun’s cheeks. at that que, renjun starts sobbing. he just sobs._ _ _

___“oh my fuck you do have a crush on him.” hyuck gasps then rushes to the chair beside renjun and pats his back._ _ _

___“there there. you like boys.. that’s.. cool i guess? wait i should’ve known, you kept staring in the locker ro-“_ _ _

___“h-hyuck. shut up.” renjun managed to say between harsh sobs. donghyuck immediately shuts up and hugs the smaller boy._ _ _

___“i’m.. sorry for calling him dumb. also sorry for not letting him kiss you. so no one knows that you’re gay? not even your mama?”_ _ _

___“no one..” renjun whispers, feeling slightly better with his best friend’s support and comfort. feeling slightly better after coming out to at least one person._ _ _

___“u should tell her.” he frowns. they both knew she would be accepting._ _ _

___and then, chenle and jisung walk in holding snakes and ladders. after seeing the two boys hugging, jisung scrunches his nose in disgust. “ew that’s gay”_ _ _

___“shut up jisung, don’t be a homophobe.” hyuck moans._ _ _

___“what the- you always call me gay.” jisung opens the board, and points at the printed red snake. renjun frowns._ _ _

___“look, this is you don-“_ _ _

___“you little br-“ hyuck stood up, hitting the chair over and chased jisung out of the basement. renjun sighs and turns to chenle, shaking his head._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did anyone get the renjun not knowing acdc reference? hehehe
> 
> renhyuck's friendship is so precious :(


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i'm willing to share."  
> "ok." he smiled.

the soft beeping of the digital alarm clock rang through jaemin’s ear, its illuminating light flashing 7:00. he stirred before sitting upright on his king sized bed. the tired boy slams the top of the gadget to silence it. mondays, he sighs to himself. surprisingly, he didn’t drink that much last night, therefore his hungover was minor. 

he moves to the large expanse that he calls his bathroom to take a shower, and realises yesterday’s harsh scents of chlorine and weed were still evident in him. then the thought of his parents finding out about the party hit him. that was a horrible thought, he shook it off quickly. jaemin has always had a bad relationship with his family, but mostly parents. his older sister managed to escape and become a successful model in new york. how badly he wanted to leave just like her. 

he stopped his thoughts as his muscles relaxed with the warm water dripplets on the curve of his back. he couldn’t help but think of his toxic parents once again, mind full of negativity and heart empty. they were always away, never here for him. 

he throws the loofa to the floor covered in fancy tiles and mutters “this sucks.” 

an identifiable red vintage cadillac pulls into the school’s driveway. jaemin knew he had the best car, he loved it so much he even named her ‘heather’ 

the young man walks out, with a big smile plastered on his face as he puts on his thin black shades. it wasn’t even that sunny, but he looks good with them. he checks out the state of his sexy dark brown mullet in the rear view mirror. “babe, you look rad.” he mumbles to himself, left hand caressing his face. 

his outfit consisted of his red and white varsity jacket, a blue shirt and tight denim jeans, that were supported by a white belt. he was feeling himself. 

“yo! jae!” jeno calls out from the steps in front of school. he walks over and swings a strong arm over jaemin’s neck. “dude, where’s your bomber jacket? i’ve never seen you without it!” jeno exaggerates.

“oh yeah. i looked all over my house for it this morning. no idea what happened to it.” jaemin lies to his best friend. 

it was a lie. he recalls handing it to the cold kid yesterday, the one who almost drowned. jaemin forgot to ask for it back, more concerned about the boy’s well being than his favourite jacket. but he would never tell anyone. too gay. 

right on time, renjun had strolled in with his white bike that looked a little too big for him. he struggled to get off the bike, looking like he’s about to fall; but he didn’t. he wore a small smile as he grabbed his backpack, that had blocks of different neon colours, from his basket. 

wow. his crooked teeth were so cute.. he was soft skinned and his lips were so full and pink an- his bangs just poked his eyes as his face scowled. jaemin let out a soft giggle, fascinated by this.. cute boy. no homo though. “dude.. are you okay?” jeno questions jaemin’s staring and laughing. “ahh sorry, must be the alcohol from yest-“ “shut up pussy, you didn’t drink shit.” the close duo laughed and entered the school building, prepared for all the girls to greet them.

\-------------- 

"yo renny! how was physics class?" hyuck started. 

"it was surprisingly good, we learnt about nasa's new space stations on the tv!" renjun beamed. 

"how is that good? ugh you're so lame renny." hyuck scoffed. before renjun could start a fight, jisung joins them in the cafeteria. 

" heyyy, let's go to the rad arcade after school!" jisung brings out his homemade kimchi and places it on the table. 

after hyuck agrees, renjun asks "where's chenle?" 

"oh he's home sick. he has diarrhoea." jisung smiles. 

" tmi jisung, tmi." hyuck groans and renjun shakes his head. 

"why are you only eating kimchi?" renjun frowns. 

"laura from swimming class called me fat." jisung chews his food. 

"what? FUCK LAURA." hyuck screeches. 

"excuse me?" the familar blonde, laura, gasps as she stands there and holds her red school tray. hyuck widens his eyes, mouth full of food and unable to say 'it's not what it looks like.' well, sounds like. she scoffs, ties her hair up with her famous red scrunchie and irons down her pink and black plaid skirt. she then walks away, shaking her head and muttering a 'men.' 

"brave of her to consider you a man." renjun giggles, before getting his small shoulder slapped by his best friend

after the awkward atmosphere slightly calmed down, jisung spoke up. "so after looking around the whole house, i found.. 5 dollars and a wad of gum." 

"ew, gross." renjun remarks. 

"okay, so we can either play two small games, or one big game." hyuck says. 

"that sucks man." jisung scratches his head. "and i was meaning to beat renjun's pac-man record too." 

"i've been first place in this whole town, for about a month now jisung." renjun smirks. jisung sighs, forfeiting. 

\----------- 

the boys look over to donghyuck who was pulling out his shiny purple mountain bicycle from the bike racks, and hops on. "cmon man, i've got to be home before 6 today, otherwise mom's gonna skewer me in half for the family dinner tonight." hyuck whines. 

"dude, that's cannibalism." jisung states. 

"not to my mom it isn't, now come on!" 

"i-is he serious?" jisung whispers to renjun. 

"no, you idiot." renjun seethes, rolling his eyes and and unlocking his new white bicycle as he places his books and bag in the basket. 

jisung does the same as he grabs his pink bicycle, training wheels still attached; a hand-me-down from his older sister. it's an understatement to say he's embarrassed to be seen riding that abomination. he just couldn't wait to be teased, by literally everyone in the entire town! renjun struggles to get onto his bike, since it was so big taller than him. 

"why did your mom get you a bike this big?" hyuck laughs. 

"she said i'll grow in the future." renjun frowns, but manages to get on the seat. 

"we all know that's a lie." jisung smirks, proud of the fact that he's so much taller than renjun.

after some time, jisung speaks his mind "couldn't we just have taken the bus?" 

"and what would we do with our bikes?" hyuck sighs. 

"idk, but i-" jisung tries to argue 

"no jisung." renjun says. jisung shuts up. 

the three boys with their respective bikes strode along the neighbourhood of the school, leaving the confining facility far behind. the gust of wind taking a calming effect of the boys. the excitement and adrenaline being the fuel that powered their teenage hormonal bodies. _we must look so cool and intimidating right now. _renjun smirks. and then he remembered jisung's bike. _nevermind.___

after some constant bickering, they successfully managed to get to the arcade without any accidents. war flashback to when hyuck fell off his bike and scraped his left knee and cried; a lot. that was only this year. the strong, powerful lights aggressively flicker shades of red, advertising various games, pac-man being the biggest on the billboard. 

to the eyes of teengers, it was the perfect place to hang out. renjun and his friends enter the familiar place, the setting being their 'second home'; even though the owner of the place had grown to dislike their behaviour of being obnoxiously loud and spilling nacho cheese in the newly redone red carpets. the three boys were like hell to him. and donghyuck still asks why the owner hates them. 

as said the three boys enter the flashy arcade, the owner, mr watt, gives them a stink eye, not letting his eyes rest for a second so he can give them a third strike and officially ban them from coming anymore. 

_____ _

"guys, i think mr watts is staring at us, it gives me the hunches." renjun shivers. 

_____ _

"junnie, stop fucking saying hunches." hyuck whisper yells. 

_____ _

"no, it sounds cool." renjun huffs and crosses his arms. 

_____ _

"no you sound like a fucking idiot." hyuck facepalms. "mr watts up really hates us, but why?" renjun and jisung look at eachother, so done with their friend. 'here he goes again' jisung mouths to his peer. 

_____ _

"is it because we're korean?" hyuck gasps. "racist!" he turns around, surprised when he gets no reaction from his friends. he then realised they're already at the desk, asking for tokens. 

_____ _

"so, will it be the fun pack or do you want to pay separately?." the man asks monotonously, his voice gruff, evidence of his old age. 

_____ _

"separate pay, please." renjun smiles. just as mr watts was about to trade tokens for money, a vintage yellow phone stuck onto the wall rang. the man makes a hand gesture, using his index and middle finger to point at his eyes and to the naughty boys. as his back was turned from the boys, the boys quickly snatched some tokens from the draw and ran to the most crowded part of the hall; where it would be hard to be found by mr watts.

_____ _

“bros, that was so intense” jisung exclaimed, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. 

“yeah, so whose idea was this again?” screams donghyuck over the blasts of machine guns shooting down pixelated aliens. 

“who cares man, at least we have free tokens to spend, plus I’ll finally have the chance to be able to beat renjun’s score in pac-man” jisung shrugs, as he takes control of the vibrant yellow pac-man machine, proceeding to insert the circular metal plates that read ‘no real value’. 

soon, jisung’s face was illuminated with quick flashes of light as the eager anticipation making his fingertips tremble and his palms sweat. “just you watch renjun” jisung warns, and goes into the game with the intent to smash the long and still standing record holder.

30 minutes later, an agonised and frustrated jisung slids down the side of the game machine, that displayed a dark brown gorilla. on the seat of the very game, was a very focused donghyuck, his eyebrows knitted together fiercely. he was so absorbed in the game that his friends sobs of defeat lingered in the air. “of course you couldn’t beat renjun’s high score, no one can” cried hyuck, silently mumbling a curse word as the character in the game beat him, the usual ‘GAME OVER’ plastered across the 25” inch screen. 

“go bother renjun, he’s playing pac-man by the soda pop machine, i’ll come over once i smash this bitch” hyuck says quickly, pushing jisung to the direction of the said boy. 

jisung does what he’s told. with his back hunched and his thirst for killing pixelated vermin’s gone, he heads over to the king of pac-man, who was trying to break his own record. renjun was leaning on the machine itself, while his slender fingers shifted the control stick back and forth, left and right, going in the same rhythm as the yellow character on the screen. jisung was mesmerised how his friend was so good at this. “hey ren” jisung says, him too leaning on the machine. 

“beat my score yet?” renjun grins, looking at jisungs direction for a brief moment, but nonetheless noticing the sullen look of defeat evident in jisungs face. 

“you’re just so good at it, you’re practically a pro at this man” jisung exclaims. 

“thanks” renjun mumbles, his hands and eyes still on the shift stick. 

“hey” donghyuck says, appearing from the midst of the crowd, his eyes dull. 

“defeat the kong?” jisung asks, even though he knew he didn’t, he still asked. 

“no, but that mother fucking kong will be defeated one day, just you wait” donghyuck fumes. 

“woah, easy there tiger” renjun says, still abrorbed in the game. 

“are you almost beating your record?” hyuck asks, suddenly interested as he forgets about donkey kong, that he claims to be rigged to steal his money. 

“yep, i just need 400 more points then say hello to a new high score set by yours truly, the king of this game.” renjun says, a smug but sincere smile on his lips.

the trio lean forwards, their eyes gleaming from the artificial sight of the 2d screen. "215 points more " renjun states, the air getting thick with tension and the silent voice in the back of their heads that screamed 'win!' 

the boys were too caught up that they didn't notice the obnoxiously loud group of boys near them. the much more taller group were playfully pushing eachother. “oh god, they’re so damn loud!” hyuck whines. 

“hey, isn’t that jaemin and jeno with their gang?” hyuck points out. renjun turns to hyuck at the mention of jaemin, a soft blush creeping on him. hyuck wiggles his eyebrows at renjun when they lock eyes. renjun was really glad his friendship with donghyuck wasn’t affected at all after yesterday. 

jisung slaps the back of renjun’s neck. “yo, focus on the game!” jisung exclaims. “right” he says as he turns back. “yeah, that’s definitely them” hyuck squints his eyes for a better look. the said group of boys were nearing them, laughing and shoving each other. they clumsily dropped chips and pushed other gamers. hyuck thought they were a nuisance, to which everyone thought they were. he decided to ignore them for a while as he went back to cheering renjun. everytime donghyuck saw the group of boys, he had this bad feeling in his stomach. 

he knew they were a group of mean, popular boys that had a lot of privilege and enjoyed terrorising others. when he thought something was bad, it always was, so he decided it was best to keep alert. “BRO, BRO! he’s almost doing it!” cries jisung, as renjun was only points from beating his current record. 

“go renny go!” donghyuck screams, his full attention on the focused and anticipating renjun. just as pac man was about to eat his last few points, a huge impact sent renjun's slim figure flying as he ended up bumping his back on the soda machine. renjun groans at the pain and rubs soothing circles on his back. then he realises his game and his record. “NO!” he screams, loud enough to grab the attention of a very angry donghyuck who was spewing hurtful words about someone’s mom; a guy, presumably the guy who pushed renjun down. 

still in shock, renjun scrambles up and frantically tries to save his game, but the purple pixel ghost has already as a bold 'GAME OVER' is plastered harshly over the screen. renjun's heart dropped as he looked up at jaemin's gang and his own gang, unhappy with opposites attracting. 

"what the fuck was that for?" donghyuck tip toed, arms beside him into angry fists. 

"just wanted to play the game, this arcade's for everyone." steven, a well known asshole in school, shrugged and smirked, not even glancing at the hurt and confused boy still on the floor. and when jaemin stepped in, jisung also did. 

"you could've waited your gnarly turn! that was so uncalled for, we almost beat the high score!" jisung said, voice cracking and showing obvious anger. 

before steven could say another word, jaemin turns to steven. "bro, that so wasn't okay." jaemin shakes his head, arm holding steven back from getting any closer to the shorter boys that were donghyuck and jisung. renjun now had his head buried in his legs, too humiliated and wet eyed to look up again. he didn't know what to do. more salty tears began to drip down as he noticed close laughter, presumably from jeno and the rest. 

"bro! i hardly touched him, it's not my fault he's scrawny and a pussy" steven scoffed. right then, all was silent; apart from the public in the background. again, renjun's heart dropped. jaemin carefully approached renjun, deciding that this couldn't go on any longer. he kneeled down beside the small boy grabbing onto his mom jeans and placed a hand on his shoulder. "hey.." he whispers, trying his best to ignore donghyuck repeating 'take that back' in the background. 

renjun slowly lifted his head and looked at jaemin dead in the eye. renjun's eyes were glossy, his cheeks scarred a deep red blush and his thick pink lips were sweet but tremulous. jaemin's heart fluttered... 'he's so pretty' jaemin thought and frowned. he felt a type of attraction that he had never felt before. 

but before jaemin could speak another word, renjun jolted up, no longer having jaemin's touch but it still lingered. he ran, ran so fast and exited from the back door, trying to digest the whole scene and breathe. the last thing he saw were the notorious varsity jackets and jaemin's figure behind him, following. 

\------------ 

silver lights flashed neon in the night. the night, bathed in september moonlight and as soft as all fairytales' recurrence. night, scattered with the night freckles of hot cars, crowded with popcorn and soda. cars, painted slick red by wannabes, posers. the cool kids were chill. smooth as the bitter midnight breeze, careless. the movie was a chick flick, so no one was paying attention. just the sounds of lips against lips, crunching popcorn and the glitter of dust particles floating around the golden headlights of each vehicle. the grass was greener when wet, and the dew of september rain clung to the blades like blood. 

amongst the dew drops were renjun's salty tears, falling from his gentle face to the solid ground. he was prettier in the purple light, when he thought no one was watching, when he thought no one was paying him any attention. 

jaemin didn't move, he just observed, silent, staring at renjun's full lips and questioning why he'd brought him here. why harsh words had affected him so much, rendered him defeated. watching racing raindrops on the windowpane, renjun wallowed. butterscotch on his lips and his heart heavy and a sympathetic presence watching him all the while. it wasn't long before one of them opened their mouth and spoke their first words. 

"i'm sorry steven was an asshole to you. he had no right. are you hurt?" jaemin asked. renjun sniffled, his nose tip pink. 

"i'm fine. nothing is scarred but my dignity," he responded poetically, "guys like him push me around all the time." 

jaemin looked at him and frowned. "that doesn't make it okay, renjun." 

"what do you know... how do you know my name?" 

"i know that you're upset, and i heard your friend say it." jaemin placed a hesitant hand on renjun's knee, and met his somber gaze, searching his eyes apologetically. for such a chaste and ghosting touch, both boys were considerably flustered. 

renjun came to the sudden, adorable realisation that he was still in possession of jaemin's jacket.

"i still have your jacket from the pool party. you can have it back, it's just at my house i can go get it-" 

"keep it." 

"are you sure?" 

"of course. it will look better on you anyway, you look good in everything." 

"like you've noticed," renjun scoffed. 

"I've seen you around," jaemin smirked, "besides, you'll think of me every time you wear it. that's something." jaemin's gaze idly lingered. 

renjun coughed. "why'd you bring me here? the orbit is for first dates and drunken hook ups, not two boys having a heart to heart in a cadillac." 

"her name's heather," jaemin said fondly, tapping the console, "maybe i thought the movie would be good." 

renjun scoffed at the naming of his car, and jaemin just felt relieved that he wasn't crying anymore. "the movies are never good. posers just come here to screw." both jaemin and renjun were slightly taken aback by renjun's bluntness. the shorter boy would normally be over the moon, this close to his crush and having an actual conversation with him. but he was so tired, his words that were usually sweet like rich chocolate, had turned raw like dripping honey. 

the sugarless presidence of his vocabulary, simply attracted jaemin to his personality more. he saw him perfectly, in his unfiltered state. 

"the truth is, i just like it here." jaemin said, above a whisper. 

renjun raised an eyebrow, his sadness vanishing with the brief yet potent rainfall. "you like sitting in heather, watching a mediocre movie in the rain, whilst people make out in cars all around you?" 

jaemin chuckled. he'd been so focused on renjun, that he'd forgotten where they were. that there were cheerleaders and jocks engaging in multiple makeout sessions all around them. in the blitz of rain and wind and awful movie acting, his mind had wandered to the boy beside him. jaemin was staring. he knew he was. renjun knew he was. it was giving him hunches. not mr watts-style hunches. nice ones. both hearts were heavy and filled with admiration. 

"the orbit is my favourite place," jaemin sighed sweetly. "it's weird to come here in the sunshine, but not in the rain. i think the rain is beautiful." 

"me too," said renjun. the light of the big screen turned blue and it shone, azure into renjun's eyes. "the arcade was my favourite place," no one had eyes like his, "now it's not." 

jaemin touched renjun's skin and was blasted with nostalgia and lavishness. as though future him was visiting this moment, in the bitter hold of a memory. "i'm willing to share." 

renjun glanced up quizzically. he looked prettier in this now peach tinted light, his lashes, his lips. as though he was inhaling stardust. 

the temptingly beautiful jaemin's offering, of them sharing a favourite place, was his liberation. 

"ok." he smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so long,,
> 
> we need to make it more jaemin centric rip


	4. four

renjun picked up his yellow tray and met hyuck's eyes in the sea of students in the cafeteria. he made his way to the squad with a small smile, happy that chenle was back and recovered. he sips his lemon soda, but he can't help but feel a pair of harmless eyes on him. he glances up, to find the eyes he's been longing to have on him. jaemin's eyes burn into him as if he's been staring for a while. renjun can't help but feel self-conscious under his strong gaze. but also, somehow, he can't find it in himself to look away; it was like they were having a staring competition.

his cheeks flush a dusty pink. _'could jaemin be nervous too? no, no, no.. he's straight, he can't like me.' _renjun frowns in shame, shakes his head and looks down at his lap.__

____

but then renjun glances back, somewhat hopeful that he would find those soft, coffee-coloured eyes still staring at him. but instead, he found kathy, the most popular girl in school, walking past the jock table, swaying her hips. she flipped her golden, perfectly curled hair back and played with the ends of her cheerleading skirt. the jocks went crazy, whistling, catcalling. renjun couldn't help but feel disappointed when he noticed jaemin was the star amongst the football playing wolf whistlers. 

____

"renny, cmon lunch is over." renjun's thoughts cut off as he feels a now standing donghyuck tugging on his arm, motioning that they both need to go. with a heavier heart than before, renjun unwillingly stands up and throws his half eaten lunch away. _'was jaemin really tired of me already? was all that yesterday just a dare?'_

__a million of negative and paranoid theories run through renjun's head. again, he was cut off as he feels a sudden bump on his shoulder. stumbling a little, he looks ahead and realises the figure likely to have done it was jaemin. renjun furrows his eyebrows; confused and hurt. and then he saw there was a folded piece of paper on the floor, that wasn't there before. cautious, he picks it up and reads it._ _

____

__ranjun, meet me at the bleachers, now. :)_ _

____

__\- jaemin_ _

____

__renjun smiles big at the misspelling of his name, but it grows even bigger at the cute smiley face. ignoring the stares from students leaving the almost empty cafeteria was easy, the amount of euphoria was too much to keep in.__

____

____

\----------- 

renjun stood, hovering in the eternal space between the track and the bleachers. the sun hung low like a shining penny in the sky and, if he followed it's glimmering glow, he could see that it shone right through his math classroom window in pillars of light. he knew that's where he should be. in the comfort of his scorchingly hot math class with no ac, head burning with the boredom of his impending algebraic doom.

at least then he wouldn't be so conflicted. his feet were moving but his mind was in math class, rearranging equations. his heart was longing, but his head was waiting for him to make like the radiant sunlight and jump through his math class window. 

he'd never skipped class before. hyuck was no doubt concerned. that's it, he should never have come. he should just run up to class and pretend he'd had a bout of untimely amnesia, and somehow forgotten the location of his classroom. 

yes- that excuse should suffice. just pretend he'd hit his head and- 

"hey.” oh god. the sun had now disappeared behind a cloud. renjun hoped he could too. 

he looked up. jaemin was just a few paces in front of him. when renjun didn't reply, jaemin said happily, "you came." 

renjun nodded. there was a pause.  
"well," renjun breathed, "it was nice seeing you. i'll be going now. y'know, exes and ys to be found." he turned around and started to walk away. 

“wait!" jaemin reached out and grasped renjun's forearm. his hold was tight. renjun's heart melted. 

”yes?" 

"stay," jaemin cleared his throat, "with me. here." 

"but math-" 

“will still be there the next time you have class." renjun shut up after that. jaemin sat on the bleachers. his grip slid from renjun's forearm to his wrist, and he pulled him down to sit next to him. 

"did you like my note?" 

“actually it was kinda lame." 

jaemin raised an eyebrow and smirked. "really? why?" he didn't break eye contact. 

“well for one, you spelt my name wrong." 

"i did?" 

"yes, you did." 

jaemin almost blushed. "how do you spell it then?" "R-E-N-J-U-N." 

jaemin thought for a moment. "you have a nice name." renjun smiled and looked down. jaemin shuffled closer. 

“you were staring at me, in the cafeteria," jaemin said riskily. 

"you were staring at me!" renjun was blushing deep red. 

"was not!” 

“was too!” 

both of the boys burst into a fit of laughter. but it ends when jaemin says “i think kathy likes me." 

“oh?" renjun attempted to preserve his dignity by acting like that didn't break his heart in two. 

“yeah," jaemin frowned, and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the pocket of his white pants. "but i don't like her." he caught renjun's gaze again and offers a cigarette to which renjun quickly rejects with wide eyes. he didn't know what to say, so he let out another 'oh..' 

jaemin brought a cigarette to his lips, lighting the tip of the white cylinder with a transparent blue lighter. renjun stared, in awe. jaemin took a drag, chemicals filling his lungs, leaving their sticky residue, before flooding past his lips in an euphoric exhale. 

"i didn't know you smoked," renjun said. 

jaemin grinned. "there's a lot of things you don't know about me." 

"oh yeah?" renjun questioned, "like what?" 

"likeee," jaemin thought, choking on his cloudy breath, "like.. i may hang out with bad people, but i'm not as much of a dick as them." 

"i knew that already." 

"ok," jaemin pondered, "tell me something i don't know about you?" 

"something you don't know about me?" renjun repeated, gulping, dumbfounded. jaemin grinned. 

"there's a lot of things you don't know about me," renjun mimicked. the boys exchanged a look. 

"just tell me something i don't know." 

"ok," renjun thought hard. for something interesting. anything that made him seem cool or whatever. 

"my mom works in a diner." 

"that's cool," jaemin spoke, "but that's not about you, it's about your mom." 

renjun sighs and jaemin chuckles at him, "i fucking hate algebra." renjun looks up with innocent eyes and jaemin just grins wide, sunlight brightening his bangs and making his brown eyes wild. 

"now that's more like it." they both grin at eachother. 

after spending some time getting to know eachother, jaemin asks "this is your first time skipping a lesson right?" 

renjun nods, a little embarrassed, but wanted to be honest.

"since.. you can't go back to lessons now, wanna leave school?" jaemin riskily asks. 

the smaller boy was conflicted. how could he say no to jaemin? but he- 

\---------- 

renjun never imagined himself bunking school, especially with na jaemin and his influence. walking, he lets out a small giggle when jaemin dramatically holds the door for him with a big grin. they both enter the ice skating building, jaemin behind, but renjun is quickly hit with the overwhelming atmosphere, that was bright and bold. the mutiple shimmery disco balls that were hung on the ceiling almost blind him, along with the music that was too slow for renjun's liking. he has always been easily impressed, but here his amazement was on another level. 

he notices jaemin taking off his bucket hat and red shades and motions for the smaller to come over to the counter. renjun goes and stands, staring at the shelves that glow a neon pink beneath them. he admires the completely new place, but decides that he'd rather admire the completely new boy beside him. 

after gaining back his focus and putting on the worn out skating shoes, renjun and his partner rush past the neon 'skate rental' sign to enter the the actual ice rink. jaemin playfully pushes renjun out of his way and skates all the way to the end of the rink. 

after some moments of jaemin chuckling loudly and having the time of his life, he pauses and looks back at renjun, who's still holding onto the railing and has been standing in the same place, showing obvious fear.

"bro! you're not coming?" jaemin waves at him and frowns. renjun looks up, with a pout on his face. 

"jaemin.. i've never done this before" 

"don't be sca-" 

"-i'm not scared!" 

"then come here" jaemin crosses his arms and renjun looks back down, biting his lips and unsure on how to actually.. skate. 

jaemin playfully scoffs and skates all the way to renjun, slowly reaching out to hold his hands. renjun, obviously flustered, grabs jaemin's hands and jaemin slowly and gently pulls renjun with him, so now they were both skating; trying not to bump into the other people there. 

"you've got the hang of it! i'm going to let go now." 

with wide eyes, renjun shakes his head. 

"1.." 

"jaemin don't, please i ca-" 

"2.." 

renjun aggressively holds onto jaemin's white bomber jacket, still skating and praying that he's just messing around. 

"1!" jaemin pulls renjun's arms off him and quickly backs away, laughing his ass off. but renjun manages to get another grip on jaemin's clothing which makes jaemin smack down onto the cold ice as well; so he was literally laughing his ass off. they lie there, in pain but still laughing and staring at eachother with genuine happiness. but then renjun's laughter turns awkward when jaemin says 'no homo.' 

when they finally catch their breath and apologise to the bystanders who look annoyed, they both stand up and renjun of course still holding onto jaemin's larger frame. 

after hours of skating, renjun and jaemin are both so euphoric and they pack up everything and hand the shoes back. they walk to 'heather' as they laugh underneath the dark but starry sky.

they get into heather, renjun trying his best not to drop the leftover greasy, overpriced popcorn onto jaemin's fresh clean car floor. 

"hey, today was so fun, you're so rad bro!." jaemin chuckles and lightly bumps renjun's shoulder. 

happy, renjun smiles prettily with the red street lights shining on his face. jaemin wanted to personally thank the electricity that also represented how alive he felt with the other. 

"i had so much fun, really. thank you." 

"of course." jaemin looks into renjun's sparkling eyes. _pretty. _he frowns. he then turns the radio on, immediately jumping out of his seat when he realises it's a song by the band queen. he screams the lyrics out of the window and taps the steering wheel. renjun looks at him in shock, but then laughs so hard as he's never seen this side of jaemin before. after they both cooled off, jaemin glances at renjun.__

__"why didn't you sing along?"_ _

__"i don't know it.."_ _

__"what, how?" jaemin looks at him through the review mirror and scoffs. renjun purses his lips with no vocal reply so jaemin shakes his head._ _

__"i'll make you a cassette tape, and force you to listen to the my tunes!" jaemin beams.__

__"what? no i won't listen to it." renjun rolls his eyes_ _

__"you will!" before renjun could argue more, they arrive at his house (after renjun accidentally rips jaemin's visual map and gives terrible directions.)_ _

__"again, thank y-" renjun smiles._ _

__"it's fine.. want me to pick you up tomorrow for school?"_ _

__"could you?"_ _

__"of course."_ _

__renjun was so happy. jaemin really wanted to spend more time with him? they say their final see you laters and renjun walks up his front door. and there, he saw his mother, arms crossed and prepared to give a scolding on his lateness._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy this update took so long sorry  
> but yes finally some good renmin content!
> 
> also english isn't my native language, some things don't make any sense lol. a lot of things actually.
> 
> stan loona


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "that's so cute. no homo though."  
> "yeah" renjun halfheartedly chuckles, "obviously."

looking in the mirror, renjun admires his nicely combed hair and well planned outfit; that consisted of stripes and denim. he had to look good today, for jaemin, of course. he grins big to himself, the very thought of jaemin causes his smile to instantly grow bigger. he then walks to the kitchen, instantly excited because of the smells of bacon and toast.

"good morning hon,” renjun’s mother turns to him. 

he greets his mother, who had a smile on her pretty face and long hoop earrings with her waitress uniform on. he happily smiles back, hugging her and asking how her night was. they both sit down at the green dining table, with 'the times' newspapers already accidentally messed and dirtied with coffee stains. they chat warmly for a long time and caught up. 

after eating and tidying, renjun hears a car pull up to his driveway and he runs to look out the kitchen window. he hoped, he prayed, that it was jaemin. and it was. he sees the male in his 'infamous' car with the engine still on. _'he actually came.' _renjun's light eyes up as he quickly runs to the front door.__

____

"bye mama, i'm going to school now!" renjun says and grabs his backpack from the floor.

____

"wait!" she runs to him just as his hand is on the door knob. 

____

fixing his turtleneck, she says "don't think that i've forgotten about last night. you better not miss your curfew.” 

____

“mama.. i won’t.” he rolls his eyes but holds her shoulders with reassurance. she pecks his cheek and lets go. renjun hurriedly walks out the front door, shutting it to prevent her from seeing jaemin. little did he know, she saw him clear. and she was certainly going to question renjun later on who he that boy is and why he's picking her son up. 

____

\---------- 

____

giggling, renjun yanks out his sacred polaroid camera and snaps jaemin. the photo comes out clear, showing jaemin’s sharp side profile and flattering smile. the red of his cadillac managing to creep up in the background, contrasted his sunkissed skin, making him look bolder than ever. jaemin takes his eyes off the road for a second, checking to see if the instant photo looked good. it did and jaemin smirks to himself. 

____

“you gonna keep it?” asks jaemin whilst blowing his soft bubblegum. it pops back in his face, temporarily breaking his gate of confidence. he clicks his tongue as renjun laughs at him, before chuckling coolly, firm hands on the leather steering wheel. 

____

“yes i will!” renjun beams. "it'll remind me of your little gum incident. plus i can stick it on my wall with my other polaroids." 

____

jaemin paused, "you have a polaroid wall?" renjun nods in answer. 

____

"that's so cute. no homo though." 

____

"yeah" renjun halfheartedly chuckles, "obviously."

____

they were in the middle of autumn. renjun loved fall, he found it so chill and fresh. the sidewalks in their small town had vibrant leaves scattered everywhere, that don't stop pirouetting from the trees. in front of the rows of houses with the sun peeking behind, lined the retro 80's cars. -

and then the journey ends. jaemin parks in a place that is both familiar to them, a place about one block away from the school's parking lot. 

"i'll drop you off here." jaemin mumbles casually. renjun glances up confusedly. but he doesn't want to argue, worried that he'd seem ungrateful and jaemin would stop hanging out with him. he apprehensively undoes his seatbelt, eyes cautious. why did jaemin feel the need to drop him off a block away from their high school? the place was deserted, a rough gravel parking lot, far away from the dreamy neighbourhoods. 

"ok...bye, i guess. thanks for the ride?" and grabs his backpack before opening the car door. "no problem bro." 

_why would he act so tense? well, he did look tired?. maybe he slept really rough. _his thoughts overwhelmed him while walking the mundane block to school. he looks back with anticipation to see jaemin with a guilty face who glares down and then back at renjun, before speeding off to school.__

jaemin was distraught. he hated what he'd done to renjun; who had done nothing wrong at all. his regret for his actions reminded him of a couple of days ago when he had sat in heather with his bros. he recalls being angry when they made fun of the quiet kids in their school and of course, renjun was brought up. jaemin audaciously tried to defend him but it turned serious. they were suspicious on why he was defensive over renjun and made it clear they'd disapprove if they were friends. 

so jaemin stopped defending him. now he couldn't be seen with the other boy anymore. he let his pride and reputation get in the way of his friendship with renjun and he felt terrible about it. but he really didn't want to hurt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again i'm sorry for the late update, i decided to release this draft early..  
> 1k hits + 100 kudos!! thank u <3
> 
> jaemin :( i feel so bad for him.. angst coming real soon.


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "jaemin... i love you."

weeks went by and the two boys developed a new routine, where everyday, jaemin would pick renjun up from his home and drive him to 'school', and after classes, he would wait for him at the same place.

their friendship was still kept a secret.

renjun didn't understand why jaemin acted so differently in school. outside of school, they would normally hang out together and chill, going to the orbit, the mall and jaemin's favourite music stores. 

reminiscing of the most recent outing, renjun recalls jaemin practically falling into the big box of vinyl cds when he almost tripped over the red base guitar wire. he recalls the laughter and warmth of that day. renjun really did admire jaemin's love for music, it was so genuine and he loved seeing him happy. 

he loved when jaemin would pamper him, calling renjun cute to distract him so he could steal his popcorn at the orbit cinema. he loved and cherished his friendship with jaemin. 

but most of the time, they aren't alone, and jaemin hardly looks at him. he doesn't say anything when he witnesses his friends pushing renjun around. renjun really didn't like this jaemin; he seemed artificial.

still, renjun didn't say anything. he didn't want to ruin the friendship he'd been craving for so long, as jaemin meant so much to him. renjun frowns to himself, feet brushing the material of his bed. he just wanted to hold the boy's hand and kiss his tanned skin.

\- - - - - - - 

"renny, you never bike with us anymore." donghyuck munches on his popcorn as they both take a seat in the bleachers. the school was having a football match after school, and renjun is there for jaemin, of course. the stadium is noisy and chaotic, all eyes are on the field. but donghyuck really needed to talk to his best friend.

"hyuck, you know that-"

"no. i don't believe you when you say your mom drives you."

"but-"

"-is it jaemin?"

renjun instantly heats up, eyes wide and cold lips parted. he stays silent as donghyuck picks up.

"wow. you really left us for na jaemin?" donghyuck scoffs. "well why do i never see you guys together?"

renjun frowns. "i didn't leave you, and..."

"and?"

"he drops me off somewhere else..." renjun gulps, knowing this would sound bad.

"and _pulls into the parking lot..."_

__

there's a short silence between the two friends.

__

"why do you think he does that? how can you let him treat you like that?"

__

"...like what?"

__

"like you're not good enough to be his friend!" donghyuck huffs and shakes his head. he can't believe his friend could be so oblivious, but renjun seems like he was finally catching on.

__

"i...jaemin doesn't want to be seen with me?" renjun frowns and looks down at his feet. the realisation makes his heart break. this whole time...

__

"if he can't even show he's friends with you, what makes you think he'll date you?"

__

renjun gasps, “what? i never said-"

__

"-you don't have to say anything!"

__

renjun quickly stands up, feeling sick from the sudden change of atmosphere and he just wants to leave. hyuck grabs his wrist before he could go.

__

"i know you like him, but you're not for eachother. just give up."

__

"you're being too harsh and i wish i never told you anything!" 

__

renjun aggressively pulls away and runs, catching a glimpse of chenle and jisung coming back with hotdogs and popcorn. 

__

he didn't want to listen to donghyuck. surely he was wrong, surely jaemin isn't like that. renjun ran and ran, eyesight blurred and heart swollen as he runs through the mass of people. 

__

renjun didn't even know where he was going until he realises he reached the school's parking lot. he looked up to see the one and only jaemin at his car with a lighted cigarette in his hand. the sound of renjun's vans were loud enough for jaemin to look to his side and meet his eyes. jaemin quickly reacts and drops his cigarette to put it out.

__

renjun scoffs and turns around, not in the mood to talk to the cause of his sadness. but jaemin quickly walks to him and grabs his wrist and turns him around so they can face each other. the taller frowns at the sobbing mess but then quickly looks around to make sure no one was there, as if it was more important than renjun being upset.

__

"hey...what's wrong?" jaemin pulls renjun into a hug, relaxed with the reassurance that no one was there to see them.

__

renjun doesn't know what to say or do. he just stands there with cold arms by his side. he would usually be over the moon when he was was in jaemin's embrace, but right now he feels anxious and sick. he looks down and keeps silent, still unsure of what to do.

__

"isn't the match starting soon?"

__

renjun slowly backs away and looks at him in the eyes.

__

jaemin licked his lips.

__

"doesn't matter." 

__

he held the car door of the passenger seat, an invitation for renjun to enter. and he does.

__

jaemin joins him in the car and sits in the driver seat. 

__

renjun takes a deep breath and says, "are you ashamed to be friends with me?"

__

"...what?"

__

"you... never talk to me in school. you don't drop me off at school." renjun frowns, “...you don't want to be seen with me."

__

"renjun, that's not true." jaemin faces him with a slightly guilty face and holds his shoulders and pulls him into another hug. 

__

renjun detests the strong smell of cigarettes that always lingers on jaemin. but that wasn't the reason why he pulls away and neither was the uncomfortableness of the position in the car seat. he was now furious that jaemin was lying to him.

__

"tell me the truth. why?"

__

jaemin shuts his eyes and sighs. he didn't want renjun to be upset but he can't let his guard down.  he wished this wouldn't happen.

__

he opens his eyes but stares ahead at the sight of the school. jaemin then decides to admit and apologise but he was shocked to find renjun's eyes were still wet but no longer hard. they were soft and sweet. renjun then frowns at him and looks at his lips.

__

"jaemin... i love you."

__

they stare at each other for a short while, jaemin in confused shock before renjun slowly leans in and pecks jaemin's warm lips and now jaemin was in more confused shock. he sits there wide eyed, lips frozen and he couldn't breathe. they both stay in their opposite positions for a few seconds, before jaemin realises what was happening as he quickly and harshly pushes renjun off.

__

"ow." renjun lets out a whimper as his head bangs on the window.

__

"what the hell!? i'm not fucking gay!" jaemin spits and ignores renjun's pain.

__

the smaller spends no time to recap what had just happened as he opens the car door and runs. but jaemin doesn't spare him a glance. he was too focused on the fact that his heart was melting at the affection and rejection and that he was now craving more of renjun's lips on his. 

__

jaemin snaps back into reality and also gets out of the car, locking it. he looks around to see if renjun was still in sight so he could apologise. unfortunately, he wasn't. he knew it was very likely for renjun to go home but something held him back from following him.

__

he decides to walk back to the school and not let this get in the way of his match, but he still felt incredibly guilty. 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omgggg finally some real renmin content,,
> 
> the angst hurts :’(


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> especially after realising he could see an entire galaxy inside the other boy's eyes, that his laugh lights up the entire world, that he was brighter and warmer than the sun in the sky. jaemin loved renjun.

it was sunset. the watercolour sky was blended and bleeding above renjun’s head as his vans scuffed against the sidewalk. he watched his house from across the street, the kitchen light glowing freshly as his mom got herself a glass of water. tender peach flowers cupped the moonlight from a bush in his front yard, his pale yellow fence, sad and lonely. was it such a big deal though, that he liked boys? he was goddamn scared. not of telling his mom how he felt, but of what she would say in response. 

at this point, he was bawling. the tears just wouldn't stop. he crossed the street lined with cars and imagined heather. all the times jaemin had driven him to school. with his hair blowing across his face is in the cold breeze, smiling and staring, jaemin had been beautiful. renjun could only feel that way about jaemin. cigarette between jaemin’s lips, the smoke painting a cloud in the wind that renjun watched in awe. he turned his key in the door. he couldn’t stop thinking about him. it was like he blinked and jaemin was in his head again. he obsessed over every moment they’d had. every time their eyes had met, the seconds their lips had touched. the music jaemin listened to, that he’d introduced to renjun. he could never again listen to ac dc without picturing jaemins stupid grin. 'and now jaemin probably hates me.' he thinks to himself, 'and maybe donghyuck was right.' 

he opened the door. 

“where’ve you been renjun?” his mom was standing before him, arms crossed. 

renjun glanced up with his dewy eyes, “i was just out.” 

the woman's face transitioned from stern to soft, as soon as she saw her son was crying. she walks towards him with arms wide and stretched out, inviting him to her embrace. 

"oh my baby, what's wrong? " 

when he doesn't reply, she says "it's late junnie, were you with that rich boy from school again?” 

“mom-" 

“because if you’re going to be out with him until sunset, i need some kind of warning.” 

“no-“ 

“i understand that you’ve made a new friend but it’s not fair to worry me-“ 

they both stand there, renjun's face still buried deep in his mother's shoulder, wetting her shirt with his tears. he pulls slowly away and says, "mom. i have to tell you something.” 

"...i'm here honey." she furrows her brows in confusion but cups his red face . 

it fell into silence again. 

"mom, i like boys.” 

all of a sudden his heart leapt from his chest and his vision went psychedelic. did he really say that. how could he say that. the blushing peach flowers teased his ankles as he stood in the cold air watching his mom process in the warmth of the indoors. 

he’d much rather be in heather with jaemin right now. back to before, before he’d kissed him, before he’d ruined anything, before the sun was setting. 

“mom?” 

he felt like a little kid again. small but free. 

he took a heavy step closer and met his mother’s eyes. 

“are you ok?” he asked. 

“yes,” she looked at him as if he was gold. glowing and pure and worth it all. “to be quite honest, i'm not exactly surprised." she was smiling. 

“what?” 

“you think the world of that boy don’t you?” 

she was talking about jaemin, unspoken, and they both knew it. renjun sat down on the porch and his mom joined him, sunlit. 

“yes,” he smiled sadly. 

and he told her everything. the whole goddamn thing. 

“i thought...” 

at his loss of words, his mom stroked his hair and smiled dearly, “why don’t you talk to him? see where his head’s at?” 

“you didn’t see the way he looked at me mom.” 

“that’s true,” said renjun’s mom, “but if you love him, don’t talk about it like it’s over. also, i was wondering where you got that jacket from. the red and blue one." 

renjun let out a breathy laugh as he released the soft scarf from his neck. it smelt like jaemin's cologne. with a gulp, he placed it on the hanger by the door. his mother kissed his forehead one last time and offered a glass of water and some of her son's favorite candies, to which he still rejected. the boy made his way to go to his room, that felt dull and lonely. he flopped onto his bed with his face deep into the pillow. renjun couldn't breathe that well. he grabbed his earphones that were connected to the cassette that jaemin gave him. he closed his eyes and frowned, focusing on lyrics of a song about unrequited love, and boy could renjun relate. 

renjun's eyes were tired, it was late. he fell asleep to the happy thought of his mom accepting him, but also to the sad thought of jaemin hating him.

\----------------- 

jaemin didn't want to be at this tragic family dinner. the effort to act like everything was perfect was straining the male. he could only think about renjun's dewy but sad eyes; the eyes that formed soft crescents whenever he anyone that genuine smile. jaemin sighed and stared down at his untouched, neat meal of the stereotypical rich people food. every now and then, he discreetly felt his red plump lips with his index and middle fingers. the taste and touch of renjun's lips still lingered, despite it being hours after the event. 

jaemin felt trapped. he felt like everyone and everything could see through jaemin's bullshit. he felt so guilty for rejecting renjun in that way, especially after realising he could see an entire galaxy inside the other boy's eyes, that his laugh lights up the entire world, that he was brighter and warmer than the sun in the sky. jaemin loved renjun. 

"darling?" jaemin notices someone call. 

he slowly lifts his head up and slumps at the sight of everyone's concerned eyes on him. 

"yes?" 

"you haven't touched your food," jaemin's mother gestures to jaemin's plate with her silver fork. jaemin sighs, unsure of what to do or say. 

"are you alright?" jaemin's father asks, "normally you're over the moon after winning a game." he attempts to make the atmosphere a bit alive. 

jaemin bites the inside of his cheeks before answering very bluntly "we didn't win." 

before jaemin would receive a million questions, he scraped his chair backwards, stood up harshly and walked away. he could feel his eyes already dwell up with tears. the thought of upsetting renjun had him distressed. jaemin had so many mixed feelings, he didn't know why he had this different type of love for renjun. 'i don't like boys. i know that i don't,' jaemin says to himself. he makes it to his bedroom and slams the door in frustration. he didn't know what to do. 

\------------- 

renjun closed his locker door and gripped onto his textbooks harder. he kept his head down, waiting for first period to start. the boy walked over to his art class, dreading the fact that he will be seeing both jaemin and donghyuck in this ghastly school day. the art class was already packed with students, donghyuck included. renjun's blood ran cold for a few seconds when he saw his best friend, who was setting up the paintbrushes. 

the nervous boy was unable to create a peaceful scenario in his head, he pursed his lips and slowly walked over, not forgetting to lay down his books onto their shared desk. he tapped on donghyuck's shoulder, signalling for him to turn over. 

they stared at eachother for a few seconds. renjun's stare was soft and apologetic, while the other's was harsh and completely the opposite. 

"i-" just as renjun finally gathered words to say, the teacher walked in and requested for everyone to sit at their places. donghyuck rushed over to his seat, purposefully trying to avoid renjun. renjun joined him. he instantly became nervous at the recollection of the confrontation from the day before. 

'everything he said was true,' renjun thought to himself, 'how do i make this right?'. he stared at his blank paper, unable to think of ideas for a new piece of artwork. he could only focus on was how serious the look on donghyuck's face was as he drew something. renjun looked away but he was still full of guilt. 

renjun whispered 'i'm sorry,'. after a few seconds of silence, hyuck turned his head to face the other. donghyuck ignored him and turned away again. renjun was so shocked. he let out the lightest gasp and placed his eyes back on his paint palette. he wasn't really experienced with this, he didn't know what to do since he hardly fought with his best friend. even when they did, donghyuck would always be the first to approach renjun. this was different. 

"you were right, and i should've listened to you. i'm really sorry, please forgive me." renjun frowned as he softly gripped hyuck's arm. 

donghyuck froze, turned around to face renjun and said "i was right? what do you mean by that?" 

renjun's frown got even deeper. 

"renjun? what happened?" the taller asked after he got no reply the first time 

"i confessed to jaemin... he pushed me away. and said he wasn't gay." renjun whispered to him. "god donghyuck, i'm so stupid. i am so stupid. but you're more important than him. i need to make it right with you first." 

donghyuck frowned before it turned into a slight smile. it was a genuine and now apologetic smile. "you are so stupid," he said while giggling. 

the smaller boy giggled along with him before shaking his head and sighing. "i am. but are we good now?" 

donghyuck pretended to think for a bit, fingers caressing his non existent beard. renjun scoffed and playfully smacked his head. 

"yes, we're good." 

renjun smiled and turned back to face the desk. he then turned again to the other male. "oh but hyuck, what if he tells somebody?" 

"it's likely he won't. don't worry."

renjun let out a small laugh and said "imagine..." 

and they get back to catching up. 

in the back of donghyuck's head, he was telling himself to come out to renjun. he wanted to tell renjun how much he liked him, how cute his he was, how we was too good for jaemin. 

jaemin. he hated that name. he hated everything about him. 

donghyuck recalls when renjun came out to him. he was over the moon. the thought of his long term crush possibly liking him back had him in bliss. until jaemin had to come and, 'ruin everything', as donghyuck likes to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the VERY LATE update... it's been 7 months :(  
> we have exams :(
> 
> please don't forget to comment and give kudos, they mean a lot to us. like a lot.  
> will upload ch8 when we hit 200 kudos! pls give kudos <3


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